


Indian Summer

by lovebmvagabond



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:04:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4565658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovebmvagabond/pseuds/lovebmvagabond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A stolen drunken kiss after Michael's house party opens the floodgates to a whirlwind of confusion, frustration and confessions. Emotions run high as the two battle against their fears and each other.<br/>No alternate universe, just our two boys (bois) in a classic tale of falling in love, one that we've all heard, seen, or perhaps experienced before. But that tale could never be a simple one, no path towards love ever is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So it is possible that this work will never be finished. But if I did receive a lot of praise it may spur be to finish the final seven chapters or so, so that's why I have chosen to upload what I have. This fic was written back when Ray used to work for RT and Meg had red hair. Also this is my baby, my first RT fic I ever dedicated time to and I am proud of how far it has come so with that in mind it's time to share the story so far.

 

Indian Summer

 

Chapter One

 

The street light gave off a soft glow through the window, it was the only light left in the small flat. It was late, around 2 or 3am, possibly even later than that. Gavin kept his eyes on the outside world; there were no cars, no people. From this small window, it would seem that the world had gone silent.

The silence was broken by a crash in the living room. Gavin tore his eyes from the window to look at Michael. He was on the floor, face in the carpet still retaining a firm grip on his Budweiser. Michael started laughing, still face first into the floor. Gavin smiled at him.

Michael made an attempt to get up, but only managed to support his upper half with his arms before giving up.

“Fucking ow! Gavin, I think I’ve shattered my hip. Fuck!” Michael tried to pull himself towards the ceiling to floor window, where Gavin remained sat down, his legs to his chest.

“What did you do?” Gavin asked as he watched Michael.

“I don’t even know...it was the fucking coffee table’s fault. I was just minding...my own god damn business, and now I’m in pain.” He said, he reached for Gavin’s kneecap but only managed to grasp the fabric of his jeans, and with a great effort, he pulled himself up into a sitting position beside Gavin.

“Are we the only two left?” Michael questioned, just now realizing the quiet atmosphere of the flat.

“Yeah, Joel was still here a few minutes ago, but he had to get home.”  As Gavin spoke Michael pushed the bottle of beer towards Gavin’s chest.

“I...I got this last bottle for you.” Michael said. Gavin gave a small smile, looking down at the gesture; he thought about how abnormally sweet Michael was to him when he was drunk.

“Thanks.” Gavin said taking the bottle out of his hands.

Michael’s forehead dropped to impact with Gavin’s knee. Michael laughed to himself about nothing whilst Gavin took a swig of the beer.

“Did I throw a good party?”  Michael asked.

“Yeeeeah boi!” Gavin replied. He tried to take some deep breaths. The alcohol was no longer coursing through his veins as it had been a few hours ago, but he was still quite drunk.  He couldn’t stop his head from swaying as he glanced over at Michael’s hair.

 He couldn’t help but notice how soft Michael’s hair looked, it was in its usual curly style, but the brown locks looked so incredibly touchable.  Gavin didn’t even question his actions; he wanted to touch Michael’s hair, so he did.

He placed his fingers on top of his head, when he saw no reaction from Michael he dipped his hand in fully to caress the locks. Gavin found the feel of Michael’s hair to be even more pleasant than he had expected, he moved his hand through the hair finding the feel of it deeply satisfying.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked. There was a drop of concern hit his voice, his head still resting on Gavin’s knee, his eyes following his legs down to his feet.

“It looked soft and...nice.” He said calmly.

Michael gave a small laugh. He couldn’t deny that whilst the sensation was strange, it was still oddly comforting.  Gavin never pulled at it, he just toyed it around his fingers before letting go and starting again on another patch of hair.

“I bet your hair feels like shit with all that product you put in it.” Michael jibed. It was his knee jerk reaction he had, every single time he felt too close to Gavin he just had to reset the distance between them.

“Do you mind?” Gavin asked completely dismissive of Michael’s teasing. Michael rolled his eyes at the usual lateness of Gavin’s thought process.

“No, actually, it’s quite nice.” He admitted, he took a deep breath and allowed himself to relax himself more into Gavin’s touch. Both boys had thoughts of worry over how this may look, but there was no one around to see, and Michael was too intoxicated to care. It was an act of pure affection with the addition of curiosity on Gavin’s part.

“I’m gonna pass out on the sofa if that’s cool.” Gavin said, still admiring Michael’s silky curls.

“Well, I don’t see you getting home without Geoff.”

“...Oh yeah.”

“Idiot.”

He moved his head up to look at Gavin, Michael thought he looked half asleep already, perching his chin on Gavin’s kneecap.  

Gavin’s hand moved to the hair next to Michael’s right ear. When they looked into each other’s eyes there was a slight shift in the mood as the both noted how suggestive this looked, but Gavin didn’t want to let go.

 He clutched the hair in between his fingers, noticing how Michael’s eyes looked like chocolate and the how light from the street glazed over them. This thought was short-lived as he realized how weird this was and the concern that was now filling Michael’s eyes. With that in mind, he let go quickly.

Michael also flinched back after Gavin.

“That was pretty gay dude.” Michael laughed just to fill the silence that floated awkwardly between them, the American kept his eyes on the floor. Gavin felt a strange knotting in his stomach, either he was going to be sick from all the alcohol or this strange interaction was effecting him, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he smiled widely and nodded.

“Yup. We are a little bit gay.” Gavin remarked jokingly, taking another sip of the beer.  When the laughter died, Michael looked at him again. Gavin didn’t like the way Michael was looking at him, it was unfamiliar. It wasn’t unpleasant, but... it was different.

After a long moment Michael looked away abruptly as if he had just woken up from a bad dream.

“Well, I’m going to bed. If you throw up anywhere other than the toilet I’m gonna fucking murder you.” He said, he stood up and walked off to the bedroom.

A small noise of agreement was all Gavin could get out of his throat.

Gavin looked on at Michael as he tried to steady himself on the kitchen worktop. Michael doubled over the worktop and let out a long, pained groan.

“Gaaavvviiin. Help.” Michael moaned in frustration, he’d lost all will power to hold himself on his own two feet.Gavin let out a small sigh only he could hear and got up. His body wanted to collapse on him, but he reckoned if he could just get Michael into bed, then he could finally crash. Gavin walked over to Michael and put his arm around his shoulders.

“Only a few steps and you can fall asleep.” Gavin remarked, now carrying a majority of Michael’s weight on his shoulders, Michael just let out another groan.

When the boys finally made it to Michael’s bedroom, Gavin practically threw him on the bed face first. The sudden impact Michael felt with the mattress winded him a little and caused him to laugh.

Gavin turned to leave but hear Michael talking, he walked up to him and could tell that Michael was just spouting nonsense and most of that was heard only by the mattress.

“I’m gonna go sleep now.” Gavin said,

“Sleep here.” Michael muttered, and reached out to hold Gavin’s wrist before Gavin could protest Michael had already pulled him down to the bed, pinning his wrist behind him on the empty side of the bed.

Gavin was just happy to be lying down. He looked up at the ceiling for a little while. The churning in his stomach has finally stopped. His mind wanted to pull him back to Michael’s eyes in the glow on the streetlight but his body was about to shut down. He sighed a little and closed his eyes before rolling over to face his friend. He could hear Michael moving closer towards him yet he lay still.  Michael kept on inching closer until Gavin could sense him behind his closed eyelids. He was so close he could smell the beer in his breath, the cologne on his neck, and could feel the rhythm of his breathing.

Gavin froze, keeping his eyes shut. He didn’t know if Michael was asleep or if he was aware of how the intimacy he had created. Michael, at this point had had his eyes wide open for a few minutes. He stared at Gavin, studying all every detail of his face and moved closer. He couldn’t help himself. It’s like it wasn’t even him anymore, but rather the urges that surged through his body were taking over.

Michael studied his calm face one more time before placing his hand on his stubbly cheek and gently presses his lips against Gavin’s.

Seconds pass.

Then a few more.

Michael draws back and rolls over in one fluid motion. He squeezes his eyes shut, now feeling overcome with regret and shame. He couldn’t believe he had just done that. _You’re so fucking stupid holy shit, GOD DAMMIT YOU FUCKING MORON_ his mind shouted of an endless stream of swears, and he begged for Gavin not to say anything.

The shock hits Gavin like a knife stabbing him through the heart. It takes him a while to process what Michael had done, then his brain went into overdrive. _What the fuck?_   _WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!_ His thoughts we’re yelling at Michael yet the silence hung in the air between the two men.

Gavin swallowed hard. He knew there was no way Michael did that in his sleep.

He kissed him. Michael kissed him.

Gavin tried to say something but the words got lost in his throat.  The shock was paralyzing him.

Half an hour of complete and utter astonishment passes and Gavin can no longer muster up any energy to try and understand. His body and mind shut down.

Michael followed shortly after Gavin, exhausted from the pit of self loathing he’d now thrown himself into.

____________________________________________

 

Gavin woke the next morning in a haze. He was lulled into consciousness and in those brief moments he forgot where he was, who he was with and what had happened.  Then those moments ended.

His eyes fully adjusted and he bolted upright in the bed. He turned to see Michael, his best friend, still sleeping soundly.

Gavin’s mouth was dry, his lips were chapped and every organ in his body made him regret the excessive drinking from last night. Last night. His eyes kept on Michael and he asked himself if he had dreamt it. As much as he wished that it had been some weird dream, he couldn’t lie to himself.  With his mind now once again reeling, he moved swiftly out of the bed, grabbed his keys and ran out of the apartment like a bat out of hell.

 He wandered down the streets of Austin. The world was wide awake now, it was a bright, sunny day and people were milling around him carrying out various Sunday errands. After buying some water and a sandwich Gavin called for a taxi back to Geoff’s house. Since the moment he woke to pulling up in Geoff’s driveway his mind had thought of only Michael.

Gavin paid the taxi driver and went inside to his annex, avoiding any contact with the Ramsey’s. He didn’t want to speak to anyone. Part of him wanted to forget it ever happened. The other part was a compiling a never ending list of questions.

_Did he know what he was doing? Maybe he was just too drunk to know? Is he...does he..._

There were too many thoughts fighting for his attention. He couldn’t escape thinking about that kiss, and the thought of it was overwhelming. Gavin screwed his eyes shut and pleaded with his brain to just shut up.

He switches on his Xbox one in the hope of some distraction.

______________________________________

“FUCK!” Michael yelled throwing a glass bottle at the wall.

He snapped in the middle of trying to clean up from last night’s party. He shared in Gavin’s struggle to keep his thoughts at bay, but it was like a flood of confusion and worry.

He sat down and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to believe he’d kissed him. He thought that maybe if he said nothing tomorrow and acted completely natural it’d be enough for Gavin to get the hint that it was a mistake and he wanted it erased from history.

As much as he could hope for erasure, he knew he’d still remember how Gavin’s lips felt on his. The thought made him curse himself again.

This was going to be an uphill battle.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Chapter Two

 

“So we really need to film some versus episodes today and get in a Minecraft video too, we got a lot of shit to do today buddy.” Geoff said as he pulled into first gear as the light turned green.

Gavin sat in the passenger seat of the car, staring out of the window. He looked over at Geoff and tried his best to act natural.

“Gotta make sure the let’s play actually works before filming.” He said light-heartedly, turning his attention back to the outside world.

Geoff gave a small laugh and agreed with him. The continued the car journey to work in silence. Gavin had done nothing but two things all weekend since Michael’s party.  The first, think about what happened. The second try to avoid thinking about what happened. The latter activity meant a he’d played a lot of video games.

As they drove into the car park Gavin was faced with the reality of seeing Michael. Never in there years of friendship had he wanted to avoid Michael, but today he wanted to crawl into a hole rather than confront the issue.

He had no idea what to expect when he walked into the office.

Michael was already sat down at his desk. Gavin could see was doing some editing on adobe premier. He took a deep breath and walked over to sit down at his desk.

Once he sat down he looked over at Michael. 

“Hey.” Gavin said now feeling more scared than worried.

“Hey.” Michael kept his eyes on his desktop.

Gavin looks over the room to see Ray and Ryan walking in and that meant a full house. He figured lets plays wouldn’t be too hard if he had other people to interact with. He thanked god they didn’t have play pals today.

“Sooo, good weekend?” He asked Michael tentatively.

“’Spent most of it hungover. I seriously don’t remember jack shit from Friday night.” Michael said trying to act natural but he wanted to give the idea to Gavin straight away that he didn’t remember anything. A huge lie, but it was better than dealing with the truth.

Gavin takes note of what he says and hopes that he really doesn’t remember.  Deep down he doesn’t think it’s something Michael would forget doing, but he knows they’ve had times where they’ve got holes in their memory.

“Fair enough.” Gavin says leaving it that.

Michael knows that if he wants Gavin to believe him he’s gonna have to treat him normally. But right now he didn’t even want to look at him.

“What about you?” Michael prompts him.

“Errr just played a ton of Destiny.” Gavin says as he starts to turn stuff on.

“Let’s start!” Geoff calls and everyone starts to set up Minecraft.

___________________________

“Team love and stuff!” Gavin calls. Geoff had asked them to get into teams of two and Gavin wanted to get away from any direct conversation with Michael.

“Alright then,” Ryan said

“Do a little bit of this” Gavin moved his Minecraft character towards Ryan’s and humped him.

“Alright Gavin, I’m only doing this if you stop doing that.” Ryan said and Geoff laughed

“But! But Ryan! Love and stuff!”

“Too much love man, not enough stuffing.”

“Enough stuffing?” Jack inquired

“Yeah, I’ll stuff Gavin up I don’t give a shit.” Said Ryan and Geoff burst into laughter along with Jack.

“What the hell?” Ray looked over at Ryan.

“That’s still pretty gay dude. That’s like gayer than what Gavin was doing.” Michael chipped in and Gavin was transported back when his hand was in Michael’s hair affectionately. He tried to block it out.

The rest of the day went on fairly smoothly, both Michael and Gavin kept the conversation minimal but just enough to not arouse suspicion.

“Gavino!” Miles Luna walked into the Achievement Hunter office. Gavin turned and looked at him with a smile.

“Game of Thrones party at Burnie’s this weekend? You’re going, right?” Miles asked, Gavin did a quick look at Michael who had his head down whilst he packed his rucksack.

“Er, yeah as long as I can get a ride.” He said turning his attention back to Miles. He had no idea why Miles was so curious if he’d go or not.

“Great,” Miles smiled.

“Oh Burnie wanted me to let y’all know that everyone is invited so ya know bring your wives, girlfriends whatever.” Miles addressed the room and Jack nodded whilst Ray and Ryan were non committal.

When Miles started to leave Geoff walked over to Gavin.

“You ready to go?” Geoff asked

“Yeah” Gavin said quietly looking at Michael who by this point had slung his rucksack over his back and was making a quick escape out of the office.

“You wanna go to the party?” Geoff asked on the drive home.

“Yeah, do you?” Gavin asked

“Sure, I’ll get Griffon to come as well.” Geoff said casually and Gavin nodded. After that Gavin stared out of the window again, today had gone better than expected yet when Michael took off like that it gave Gavin a little pang in his stomach.

________________________________

The next day Michael still had an uneasy feeling whenever see saw Gavin; which unfortunately, was about 90% of the time he was at work. He knew that this was going to take time and he couldn’t come to terms with what he had done.

He was in the kitchen getting himself a Red Bull when Geoff came over.

“I had an idea.”  Geoff said walking passed Michael and grabbing a glass from one of the cupboards.

“Oh?”

“You know that new game that just came out, P.T?” Said Geoff

“Oh yeah, apparently it’s scary as hell man, haven’t played it yet though.” Michael retrieved a Red Bull from the back of the fridge.

“Well I was thinking a little team Nice Dynamite let’s play? It would get a lot of views.”

Michael felt his stomach drop as Geoff spoke the words “Team Nice Dynamite.” His head was still in the fridge so Geoff couldn’t see the look of frustration on his face. He was doing everything in his power to forget what happened and now he’d have to do a one on one let’s play with the man who was infecting his every waking thought.

“What like for a play pals?” Michael asked hopefully trying to regain some composure as he finally closed the fridge door to look at his boss. Recording a play pals would still be awkward as hell but at least it’d be shorter.

“No, I’m thinking a full blown let’s play.”  _God damn it_ Michael thought. 

“Cool.” Michael said as casually as possible.

“Awesome, tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“Well, you’ll wanna turn off the lights and stuff right?” _Oh dear god._

“I guess.” Michael said.

At this point Gavin walked into the kitchen.

“Gavin, you and Michael are gonna film a let’s play in P.T tonight while I go take my wife out for dinner.” With that, Geoff left.

Michael and Gavin said nothing for a few moments. Michael looked at him and shrugged, as if to say that they had no other choice so they were going to have to deal with it.

“What the hell is P.T?” Gavin asked. Michael just rolled his eyes.

______________________________

The chandelier creaked as it gently swung in the middle of the room in the never ending loop of corridors.

“God, Michael my heart hurts.”  Gavin remarked putting his hand over his chest.

Michael said nothing and opened the door and once again it was the same corridor.

“God damn it we are stuck, like, if I was Norman Reedus right now I’d smash through one of the windows and get the fuck out of here.” Michael commented before turning the corner.

“Who’s Norman Reedus?” Gavin asked.

“He’s Daryl Dixon in the Walking Dead.”

“Oh. I’ve never seen that show.”

“It’s okay.”

 At that moment a window crashed the ground and both men screamed and jumped out of their chairs a little. Gavin on instinct grabbed Michael’s arm and Gavin looked down at his hand. Gavin immediately removed his hand and they carried on.

_“Look behind you._

_I SAID look you behind you.”_ The radio called out.

“No oh Jesus Christ no! Fuck that.” Michael kept walking. His heart was beating so fast but he didn’t want to let on how scared he was.

“Run Michael! Just run!”

“There’s no run button! It’s just like slowly saunter away from death.”

“A saunter?”

“Okay, I think we’re safe.”

“That’s like famous last words Michael.” Gavin commented smiling at him. No matter what the game, Michael could always make Gavin smile. When the noises got louder in his headphones, Gavin swallowed hard. He was scared shitless but because Michael was beside him, he felt safe.

“I don’t even know. I mean can I go back?” Michael asked swiftly turning around,

“I don’t thin- AAAAHH!!” Gavin screamed and Michael followed as a horrible looking ghost woman jumped onto their screen. Gavin once again found himself touching Michael’s arm, it was like a reflex and it was oddly comforting.

Michael leapt out of his skin at the jump scare and his left hand reached up to cover his on heart, he could feel the quickened beat under his fingertips. His right arm, the arm Gavin had hold of, was across the British man, he’d moved on instinct to try and protect Gavin.

Gavin looked down to see Michael’s attempts at shielding him from the game and a soft smile crept onto his face.

“Were you trying to protect me Michael?” He jibed, trying to mock Michael whilst the smile grew on his face and he could feel a soft warmth growing in the pit of his stomach.

“Shut up.” Michael retorted yet a small smile formed on his face too.

 Gavin knew he should recoil his hand back but he lingered. His fingertips gently placed on the skin as he felt the hairs on his arm stand against his fingertips. Michael cursed himself as his hairs stood on end. When he looked down at Gavin’s hand, he could feel his arm get hotter and the blood was starting to flush him in the cheeks.

 It wasn’t that he wanted Gavin to let go, but he’d be damned if Gavin saw him blush. The only light in the room was the soft grey light of the game that illuminated the pair. Yet it was enough for Gavin to see the tint of pink in Michael’s cheeks, which for some reason made the warmth grow inside of him.

Michael opened his mouth to say something in the same second Gavin drew his hand away.  The game reset back to the original room and they both darted their focus to the game and carried on. Michael was thankful for their decision against face-cam for this one.

For the rest of the game there were no more jump scares and it took another twenty minutes of wondering around aimlessly until they decided to call it quits.

“Urgh this game is stupid, fuck this, let’s stop.” Michael says dropping the controller onto his desk and leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah, I’m starving actually.” Gavin commented whipping out his phone.

“Wanna go get some food?” Despite the odd moments of intimacy, Michael still had a distinct fondness for Gavin’s company. He didn’t want things to be weird and he wanted things to be the way they were, it was obvious to Michael they’d have to work at it.  

“’Kay I’ll tell Geoff, can I get a lift home with you?” He asked, Michael just nodded

Gavin texted Geoff and they left the office, heading for Mexican joint a couple of streets away from the office.

___________________

When they arrived at the restaurant and ordered some food, Michael sighed out of exhaustion, it’d been a draining few hours playing that game. Gavin smiled over at him.

“Are you going to Burnie’s Game of Thrones night?” Gavin asked

“Err yeah probably, I mean I guess everyone will be there.” Michael tried to act non-committal in his plan to go but he’d been thinking it over since Miles asked them. He didn’t think he’d ever repeat what happened but the idea of being in a social situation with Gavin triggered a whole host of feelings he’d rather just bury.

Gavin was happy to know Michael was going, though for this event he thought it wise to perhaps not go so hard on the alcohol.  Under an extreme influence of alcohol Gavin had to admit to himself that he was the first person to make a move that was across the line, but when he was toying with Michael’s hair it never felt like an intrusion.

Michael kissing him however was across the line.

They ate whilst chatting about other things like video games and new movies and TV shows they had seen. By the end of the meal Gavin felt satisfied that maybe if they just gave it time things could be normal, none of this was ever discussed out loud yet he felt there was an understanding. Gavin just hoped nothing like this ever happened again.

After dropping Gavin off at the Ramsey’s Michael let out a long sigh and dropped his head against the steering wheel with an audible thud. He made his head collide with the steering wheel a few times, trying to drum the message of the evening into his skull. He could make things right with Gavin...but when alone he knew the truth. His mind was a mess of feelings that he tried to ignore.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Chapter Three

 

After driving Gavin home on the Monday things didn’t go as expected, for Michael that meant that even though they’d seen an understanding to wash clean what happened, it didn’t make anything any easier.

For Michael, it only got worse.

On the Wednesday whilst at lunch Geoff made a joke and Gavin laughed. It was when Gavin put his hand up to his smile Michael caught himself thinking how adorable it was when he did that. His mind came to a grinding halt and his eyes widened and his own thoughts.

It wasn’t the first time he’d caught himself thinking things along those lines. But when he thought of Gavin affectionately he’d never been sober nor with other people. And never ever had those types of feelings just so casually rose to the surface of his mind.

Luckily, no one on the table noticed how absent Michael was from the conversation as everyone else was lost in Geoff’s story.

Michael sighed when they returned back to the office after lunch and slouched in his chair. He’d thought he was over thinking about Gavin in this way, but ever since he kissed him it was like the thoughts he’d trapped in cage in the deepest darkest part of his mind had found the key to the padlock.

“Rough day?” Ray asked

“I’m just tired,” Michael replied “Besides I don’t feel that great.” Michael bolted on another lie to the original lie in the hopes that it would sound more convincing.

“Well, maybe just take it easy this weekend.” Ray advised, trying to help his friend. He could see Michael’s mood varying these past few days, one moment he’d be fine then the next he was upset. But it wasn’t a kind of upset that was meant to be seen, Ray just caught sight as he sat next to him all day. Nobody else could really tell because when the microphones were on everything was fine yet Ray on occasion would glance at Michael and he looked steeped in worry.

“Yeah, maybe your right.” Michael said.  When thinking about what had happened, about what he did....Michael doubted his decision to go to the party. He believed he wasn’t capable of that again. But just to look at Gavin right now was causing him turmoil.

When he looked over at Gavin he could see how clear and content his mind was. The wish that Gavin could erase what happened came true. But why did it hurt him so much?

He could admit that he was bitter. Bitter Gavin could just erase. Whilst he was sat there in his own inner torture.

Initially, Michael had wanted it to be like nothing ever happened. But it had. They both knew it had. And yet to Michael, Gavin seemed as happy as ever.

Gavin had no idea what turmoil this was causing his best friend.

_____________________

Gavin wondered into the office on the Friday afternoon and sat down next to Michael.  When he looked over, Michael didn’t acknowledge him so he focused his eyes back on his own desktop. After they went for Mexican food a few days ago, Gavin noticed that Michael was not making as much effort with him.

It wasn’t as if Michael was ignoring him but more treating him like any other random colleague and not his best friend. It worried Gavin deeply; he didn’t want this issue anymore and as the days went on he got more and more frustrated with the other man.

“It’s my boi!” Gavin called out in the middle of a GTA lets play. Michael rolled up in a tank and deliberately ran over Gavin’s head.

“Michool!” Gavin squeaked. For Michael this was one way of getting his emotions out.

“Sorry boi, I thought you’d move.” He lied

Gavin started to mope as he spawned a good few minutes away from everyone else.

“God’s sake” Gavin muttered as he stole a car.

Michael took a deep breath stepping away from the microphone. The let’s play was not going to plan and everyone had just started fooling around whilst Geoff attempted to keep them on track.

When Gavin finally returned, Michael slyly threw a sticky bomb onto the helicopter. He was pushing it now, but he didn’t care. All his feelings mixed together to create a massive wrath against the British man.

The more inappropriate thoughts Michael had about Gavin then more he despised not only himself but that smug, idiotic moron.

When Gavin took off in the helicopter there was a beat then a huge explosion.

“BOLLOCKS!” Gavin called.

“Alright, who did that?” Geoff asked.

“Wasn’t me before you even ask.” Ryan said.

Michael kept quiet. It was going to be obvious when someone edits the footage but right now he had the luxury of tormenting Gavin without anyone cottoning on. Besides, it wasn’t like they didn’t torment Gavin all the time anyway.

When the lets play was finally over Gavin dropped his controller and stood up facing down Michael. Michael looked up to see an expression on Gavin he’d never seen before.

“I need to speak to you. Alone.” Gavin ordered.  Michael’s eyes met his and they were steeped in grave concern with a twinge of anger. Michael felt his body clamp to the desk chair. He didn’t want this but he had no choice.

“Fine.” Michael said standing up.

Ray took note of the cold, serious look Gavin had given Michael and it struck him as well. His brow furrowed as he watched the two leave, he looked over to see the gents were none the wiser.

Gavin walked him to an empty meeting room and closed the door behind them. Michael turned around slowly to look at him.

“What’s going on?” Gavin asked.

Michael knew he couldn’t say there was nothing wrong because they both knew that was a lie.

“I dunno...I’m just tired I suppose.” Michael said looking down at his shoes. He could feel Gavin’s eyes like daggers in his skin, judging him for his weak excuse.

Gavin crossed his arms and studied his friend further.

“That’s not the truth.” Gavin muttered.

Michael looked up at him.

“It is dumbass! I’ve just had a lot on this week; don’t think you know every little detail about my life.” Michael bit back. He knew he was being over-defensive but god he wanted Gavin to disappear right now.

“But even that doesn’t explain why you’ve been so off with me, I thought we wouldn’t have to talk about it.” Gavin’s voice was raised as he got most annoyed at Michael’s ridiculous behaviour.

“Neither did I!” Michael shouted and gestured wildly around the room. “Yet, here we are! Talking about what exactly?! Huh?!” The fury that he had been pushing onto Gavin all week had bubbled over and now he has shouting at him. At his best friend.

He heard his own words in the air and there was a moment of silence when they both looked into each other’s eyes and knew there was no hiding from the thing that brought them here.

“Why’d you do it?” Gavin asked, his voice now struggling to make an audible noise.  The question he’d never stopped asking since the moment it happened and in the heat of the argument he’d let it escape off the tip of his tongue.

Michael didn’t break their mutual glare.  He suddenly felt so exposed, and feelings of guilt and shame arose. Gavin’s face softened when he saw the torment Michael had spent so long to hide.

“I...” He trailed off his words caught in his throat. He took a few seconds before trying again. “I dunno.” He said shrugging. It was the truth, in a sense. All he could remember is that he was overcome with want and it was so strong with the fuel of alcohol that he couldn’t stop himself.  It was the truth that Michael didn’t know why he wanted him, but he’d be damned if he said that he just wanted to.  That was terrifying enough as a thought, let alone saying it out loud.

Gavin didn’t nod or give any indication that he was okay with that answer. He just gave Michael a face filled now with worry. Michael understood he’d have to say more to get out of this room.

“Drunk I guess? I dunno... it was just a messed up thing. I’m sorry.”

Michael looked back down the shame taking over him. _Can I go now?_ He asked himself, looking over at the door wondering if he could make a run for it.

He took a large stride towards the door when Gavin grasped his bicep firmly. Michael looked at him shocked that Gavin would take physical action against him.

“It won’t happen again. Let it go, Gavin.” He said shrugging his arm out of Gavin’s grip praying that was enough to get the hell out of this conversation.

He put his hand on the door handle when Gavin spoke.

“I’m sorry too.” He said softly and Michael stopped in his tracks.

Gavin knew that if he wasn’t honest now then he never would be. He couldn’t let Michael take all the blame for what happened on his shoulders.

“I mean I was being a bit...weird too.” He said and Michael just continued to stare at him.

“I guess.” Michael muttered in response.

“So are we-”Gavin was about to ask if they were going to be okay but he was cut off by Geoff swinging open the door and nearly hitting Michael in the face with it.

Both men looked a little taken aback by the sudden intrusion of Geoff but he didn’t seem to notice their shared startle.

“Come on lad we gotta go.” Geoff said looking over at Gavin. He nodded and made his way over to the door.

“Oh you’re going to Burnie’s tomorrow right Michael?” He asked and Michael plastered on a smile and leaned against the open door.

“Yeah, should be a laugh.”

“Hells yeah, you know what I’m gonna bring that maple syrup whiskey you like.” Geoff said as he started walking away with Gavin.

“Sweet, thanks man.” Michael said as Geoff nodded and turned away. 

Gavin took one final look and Michael and all traces of his smile were gone, the look they gave each other was fleeting but both saw hurt and upset in the other. When Gavin turned away it stung Michael a little, he sighed and screwed his eyes shut. He should be glad that they aired out but he didn’t feel like there was any resolve.

It was nice of Geoff to offer He really didn’t want whiskey at this party, he couldn’t afford to lose control again like that. He looked up and prayed to the gods to just cancel Game of Thrones.

 _Fat chance of that happening._ He thought walking away. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Chapter Four

 

When Gavin rolled up to the party, everyone was gathered to start watching the episode. He would have been earlier if it weren’t for Geoff.

Geoff had decided that the three of them including Griffon needed some cheeky pre-game drinks which consisted of a lot of Absolut Vodka and any kind of mixer they had in the fridge.  After they were closing in on four drinks each Gavin rang for a taxi.

He was already way more drunk than he’d anticipated being. He sat down on the grass next to Geoff who moved his arm around Griffon’s shoulders lovingly.  Everyone cheered as the warning label said that there would be nudity whilst Gavin did a quick scan to before spotting a head of brown curls way up in front.

He’d wondered if Michael would even show up, but then thought how selfish it sounded that Michael would change his plans just because he was going to be there. He could see Lindsay sat next to him and they were giggling about something. It didn’t bother Gavin, but he did feel a little disheartened that he was so distant from him.

When the episode was over everyone got up and started milling around with drinks. Gavin reached for a Corona on the table and poured it into a cup. Geoff and Griffon were with Burnie figuring out how to play some music.

Gavin took a quiet sip of his drink when Arryn came running up to him with Miles in tow.

“Hey! When did you get here?” Arryn asked him

“Oh, we got here like literally thirty seconds before it started, got lucky I guess.” He smiled at her and took a quick glance at Michael who was across the garden still having what appeared to be a deep conversation with Lindsay.

“Sooo, we met this girl and she’s super cute and we thought you’d two would hit off so we brought her tonight.” Arryn said smiling. Gavin glanced at her and then Miles; it now made sense to him as why he was so interested in his attendance.

“Oh, cool.” Gavin said taking a sip of his beer.  He had no real interest in being set up but Miles then claimed this girl was really into British guys.  Gavin smiled at that, he couldn’t deny that that aspect of him had helped a lot when picking up women in the states.

Arryn pulled on his arm hard and he nearly tripped over his own shoelace as she dragged him up to another group of people. 

“Gavin...”Miles gestured to the girl who was in conversation with others facing away from them. When she turned around Gavin looked upon a quite short yet very attractive woman with glasses and hair that had been dyed a cherry red colour.

“This is Meg,” Miles gestured to her again. “This is the one I was telling you about, Idiot Abroad type.” Miles said and with a quick pat on Gavin’s shoulder he left with Arryn and the people around Meg dispersed.

“Gavin, right?” Meg

“Yeah, nice to meet you,” He took a quick swig of his beer.

“Well Miles tells me you used to be a cameraman? That’s pretty cool.” She kept his gaze as they spoke about the camera work. Gavin liked the way she smiled as she listened intently, and Gavin loved talking about slow mo, it was his special field of expertise after all. Meg could see the enthusiasm light up in his eyes.

_____________________

Lindsay poured herself another drink in the kitchen whilst Michael sipped on his Corona watching what she was pouring.

“Mango vodka?” He enquired as she poured a measure of the spirit into her cup.

“Yup,” She lifted the bottle to his nose and he inhaled the smell and shrugged.  “Try it” she said pushing the top of the bottle to his lips. He took the bottle out of her hand and down a measure. The vodka burned down his throat but the mango after taste was surprisingly good.

“It’s alright actually.”

At this point Geoff stumbled into the kitchen. Lindsay and Michael smiled at their drunken boss, no matter if you were as drunk as Geoff or just watching him Michael always enjoyed his company and he was always a good laugh at parties.

“Is that vodka? Line em’ up!” Geoff said to Michael pushing some shot glasses across the table in his direction.

After doing three shots of the vodka with Lindsay and Geoff he no longer wanted to torture his throat.

“Okay, enough guys.” Michael said returning to his beer.

“Pussy!” Lindsay called

“Oh she scorned you Michael!” Geoff claimed using Lindsay as a leaning post yet he was still swaying.

“I don’t give a shit, vodka is awful.” He retorted turning his shot glass upside down. He was getting quite a buzz and knew that he was right on the edge of drunk and one more drink would tip him over.

Michael looked over to see Miles nicking the vodka from across the table.

“Hey, Miles! Who’s the chick you set up Gavin with?” Geoff asked and Miles smiled at the three of them.

“Her name is Meg, she just moved here from L.A. Burnie gave her a job on The Know, and she told us she likes British dudes.” Miles informed them.

Michael hadn’t been in a five metre radius of Gavin all evening, he knew he was here but he did his best to forget it. He had no idea that Miles had set him up with some girl and he was having fun being blissfully unaware until Miles opened his god damn mouth. And the information hit him like a punch in the face. He figured if he could get through one party not having to face Gavin, he could get over this in peace. But it would seem feelings surrounding Gavin were destined to be dredged to the surface.

Michael took his cup of beer and walked out of the kitchen saying nothing as everyone was now caught up in dancing.

He looked around the party for Gavin and he knew this was a worse torture than the vodka. He didn’t want to see Gavin hitting on some girl but he had to see if it was true.

When he found Gavin he was in the garden talking to the girl in question on a bench. They looked quite deep in conversation and even from where Michael was standing it was obvious there was some mutual flirting going on.

Michael was wrong about how much seeing this would hurt, it was so much worse than he imagined. He felt his stomach knotting as Gavin leaned in closer with the girl. Michael turned to run and in that split second, he made eye contact with Gavin.

_God damn it. You fucking stupid idiot._ Michael muttered thoughts of self loathing as he quick walked through the house. Running off like that was going to prove something to Gavin, nothing was normal between them.

He moved through the house until he got outside to the front lawn. He crouched down and put his face in his hands. He’d give anything in the world to not feel like this, all the hiding was working right up until a week ago but now nothing would stop his emotions spilling out. He wanted to cry.

“Michael?”

Michael knew it was Lindsay, she probably saw him storming through the house. He stood up slowly and turned around to face her.

“You okay?” She asked delicately, her face steeped in worry. Michael forced a smile.

“Yeah, I think I just had a bit too much to drink is all.” He said, he got lucky that no one saw how close to tears he was.

“Okay.” She accepted his lie but Michael knew she saw right through him.

“I think I’m just gonna take off.” Michael said and Lindsay nodded before making her way back inside. He looked over at Jon who was just about to get into a cab. He called over to him and jogged over to the cab.

“Mind if I ride with you?”

“It’s cool.”

With that he got into the car with Jon.

________________________________________

Gavin opened the front door and ran outside onto the front lawn. He tried to shake off Michael just storming off but he couldn’t.

 Meg asked about him when they saw him disappear back inside the party. “Wasn’t that the rage quit guy?”

“Yeah. Michael.”

“Oh right that’s the one. He looked enraged just then.” Meg gave a little giggle and Gavin said nothing.

Gavin turned back to her and tried to turn the conversation back to ps4 games but he couldn’t focus on a word she was saying. Michael was just holding on in the for-front of his mind, when she stopped talking, Gavin knew he shouldn’t be ignoring this. He needed to find Michael.

“I’m really sorry, I should err I should probably find out what was wrong with Michael.” He said looking at her with apologetic eyes. She smiled and told him to go find his friend.

When Gavin got into the party he saw Lindsay,

“Have you seen Michael?” He asked

“He literally just left. He said he was too drunk but I dunno he looked...bothered by something.” After that, Gavin left her without saying another word.

When he made it out onto the front lawn it was obvious Michael had indeed fled the party. _Fuck._ He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

He’d been naive enough to think that the conversation they had today in the office would be enough. All he’d done was talk to Meg all evening, he couldn’t even remember a time in the evening where he was in the same room as him. And then it clicked. All he’d done was talk to...Meg.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Chapter Five

 

Michael wasn’t tired enough to go to sleep so as he’d fled the party pretty early on. He watched a dumb movie just so he could turn off his brain for an hour or so. He sat staring at the screen trying to focus on the film whilst he sipping on a beer.

About twenty minutes in he was just about to give up silencing his thoughts and call it a night when he heard a knock on the door.

_Gavin._ The first person who sprung to Michael’s mind, he hated the fact that he was the only person he thought of and the only wanted to see. He tried to reason with himself as he went to the door, it couldn’t be him but god did reason not help him against hope.

He clasped the door knob and hoped a little harder.

He opened the door.  He couldn’t believe his luck when he saw Gavin Free stood in front of him. There was a long drawn out pause as they just looked at each other.  Michael gestured him in but said nothing.

“What was that about?” Gavin asked as he walked into the living room.

“What?” He played dumb out defence, knowing it wouldn’t work but he was now scared of where this conversation could lead.

“Don’t play dumb Michael, you saw me and took off in the other direction!” Gavin raised his voice now getting more infuriated with Michael’s childish behaviour.

“I just- why do you give a shit why? I didn’t think caring about other people’s feelings was a really high priority for you!” Michael retorted also raising his voice to match Gavin’s. He did feel genuine surprise when he looked at Gavin at his door. He abandoned that party to come talk to him, never in the years of close friendship has Michael ever seen Gavin go so far out of his own way.

“I do give a shit! Hence why I’m here! I left the party because I don’t wanna do this anymore with you Michael, I’m fed up!” Gavin was on the brink of shouting when he saw the look on Michael’s face. Gavin took a few moments to get his anger under control and tried to take into account everything that had happened. “Look, I just want you to help me understand.” He said in a more neutral tone.

Michael tried to think of an answer. He knew giving another excuse was only going to piss Gavin off again.

“I dunno. I just didn’t like seeing you...” He trailed off looking down at his shoes.

“With a girl.” Gavin finished the answer for him. Gavin took a deep breath and examined Michael. He’d never seen him so tormented, so full of upset. When their eyes finally locked Gavin’s anger melted away like snow.  Gavin knew he’d have to be careful with his words from this point, talking to Michael recently had been like trying to diffuse a bomb.

 “I mean... what is going on man? Last weekend and now...what are you jealous or something?” Gavin asked quietly, as if he didn’t want the idea to be too out there.

“I...”Michael stopped and took a few more beats to really think about what to say and then started again, “I don’t know what I feel anymore. I just need time... to figure out some stuff I guess.” He said still not looking at the other man.

“How long have you...felt like this?” Gavin asked. Michael just shrugged and picked up his beer, taking another swig.

 “I never thought about it before.” Michael lied, he’d had feelings he didn’t want for Gavin since that god damned Valentine’s Day three years ago. Three years he was able to keep it all at bay, and he told himself time and time again it was stupid and pointless, after a while he started to believe it. But it was never as bad as the past seven days.  He’d loaded up years of suppression and kissing him was like pulling the trigger.

Gavin just nodded. He didn’t really understand but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I just want us to be friends again, you’re my Michael.”  Gavin said with a twinge of desperation in his voice. Michael sighed before muting the TV. It was the first time Gavin had looked to see what was on.

“Titanic?” Gavin made a little jibe.

“Yeah...I dunno I just put any old shit on.” Michael said dismissively.  Gavin gave him a small smile and Michael couldn’t help return the expression.

Gavin moved over to Michael, picked up the remote and pressed play. Michael looked at him as he sat down.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked,

“Look I don’t think either of us really knows what to do. But I do know I hate life when I’m not your friend.” Gavin said.

Michael sighed, noting that Gavin had paid no attention to what he had said about needing time. But that was Gavin, always wanted the easiest option over what was the right thing to do.  Yet, he still sat next to him.

Gavin tried to hide how drunk he was but he was pretty sure Michael would cotton on. Gavin lost interest in the film almost instantly and turned to look at Michael. He marvelled at the other man’s face, his eyes in the light of the screen, his curly hair, the freckles that scattered over his cheeks, the dimples on the sides of his mouth. It was a wonder to Gavin how someone so adorable could be so full of rage. To him, Michael was a perfect anomaly.

Michael could feel Gavin’s eyes on him but he refused to move his gaze from the TV screen.

Gavin was getting tangled in his thoughts. Gavin thought of all the time they’d spent together and how he could spend hours with him and never tire of his company. Michael was the one person he felt truly contented with, truly himself with.

“Gavin?” Michael asked still staring at the TV, his drunken vision meant everything on the screen was blurring, but he still felt compelled to keep his eyes straight ahead.

“Yeah?” Gavin said from the back of his throat, his mouth now quite dry. The thought started as a whisper but it was now a violent scream in his mind. He understood what happened. Michael kissed him that night because he wanted to.

Gavin understood this because right then, in that moment, he felt it too.

“Why are you staring at me?” Michael asked quietly. He didn’t know why, but a ball of fear had erupted in his stomach, turning his head had become the most terrifying thing imaginable.

Gavin didn’t know whether it was the alcohol that coursed through his veins that was making his whole being tingle or if it was the craving he now had for Michael’s lips on his.

“Close your eyes.” Gavin blurted out before he could stop himself.

Michael said nothing, but did as the other man asked. He felt as if he could be sick with nerves.

Gavin placed his hand on the side of his friend’s chin and turned his face to look at him. Michael kept his eyes shut. _Am I dreaming?_ Was the last thought that rushed through Michael’s head, and then, there was silence.  He felt contact on his lips.

Gavin placed his lips on Michael’s as gently as was physically possible. He was testing the water, and he liked it so far. Michael had lips like velvet, Gavin moved his lips against the other man’s to kiss him a little deeper, he could feel small fire of desire that was starting to burn within him.

 Michael assumed that he was indeed dreaming. This couldn’t be happening. He remained still when he felt Gavin brush his lips against his own, but when Gavin moved kissed him further, Michael responded by kissing him back. He placed his hand on the side of Gavin’s face and moved in to be closer to him. He knew this was not a fantasy because the way Gavin felt was a heavy reality on his lips but it couldn’t be true... he couldn’t understand how the hell this was happening.  And when Gavin opened his mouth slightly and Michael felt his warmth of his breath against his mouth, he decided he really didn’t care how this happened, just that he wanted more.

Gavin was now experiencing a whole forest fire of want for his best friend, and neither man was holding their emotions back. Gavin opened his mouth slightly and felt Michael do the same, he felt his friend’s tongue swipe against his lips and the fire burned with greater fury and he couldn’t contain it anymore. Gavin grabbed at Michael’s shirt and pulled him onto his lap never breaking the kiss, his thighs around his waist. Michael replied by opening his mouth wider and feeling Gavin’s tongue enter his mouth. _Jesus Christ_ Gavin couldn’t think much else; he could taste the beer they’d both been excessively drinking but when it lingered in Michael’s mouth, everything tasted sweeter, Gavin ached for that taste. He leaned up to bring himself closer.

Michael ran his hand through Gavin’s hair; his initial delicate response was now abandoned, there was nothing to hide behind anymore. He kissed Gavin with all he was, drowning in the kiss Gavin gave back to him. Michael kissed his bottom lip and Gavin let out a low moan, the sound of pleasure he was giving him rung in his ears and he wanted to hear it again and again.  Michael moved his hand from Gavin’s hair down the nape of his neck tracing his fingertips over his T-shirt, as the kiss grew in intensity, Michael was getting more frustrated at the fabric barrier between his finger’s and Gavin’s skin.  When his hand reached Gavin’s belt and slid his hand up the side of his waist, Gavin shivered and Michael felt the hair on his skin stand on end. 

Gavin’s hands were on Michael’s thighs, moving them up under his shirt. He remembered then how hairless Michael was, his skin was supple and the broad strokes Gavin made with his fingertips up the front of his chest drove Michael wild. Michael broke the kiss much to Gavin’s distain but his lips stayed on Gavin like he couldn’t breathe if it wasn’t Gavin’s skin underneath his lips. Gavin kept his eyes closed and couldn’t hold back the moan when he felt Michael kiss his neck, his lips felt like burning on his skin as he sunk further into Michael’s touch.

Michael traced his kisses down Gavin’s neck in the hope of hearing him moan a little more, Michael decided it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. But he didn’t just moan, when Michael reached his collar bone, Gavin spoke.

“God, Michael...” His voice was dry and thick, Gavin swallowed hard as Michael continued to kiss every inch of skin on his neck. Hearing Gavin’s voice brought Michael’s mind back to earth, this was Gavin, the actual Gavin Free, his best friend. Hearing his raspy, desperate voice wrapped up in that familiar British accent was so much more provocative than he could have imagined. Michael’s arousal had become undeniable, and Gavin’s obvious pleasure added more fuel to the fire.  As his hands reached up from Gavin’s waist to his shoulder blades he hoped Gavin wouldn’t notice how hard he was, but he didn’t want to stop kissing him.  When Michael moved back to kiss Gavin on the mouth, they’d both become even more frantic for one another.

“Lay down.” Gavin muttered in between heavy breaths. He moved his hands and planted them on Michael’s shoulders, taking him off his lap and pinning him to the sofa. Michael felt the tables turn as Gavin moved to kiss his neck, as he did so Michael let out a noise of pleasure from the back on his throat; he panted against Gavin’s ear. He kept his eyes closed; it felt like Gavin was all over his body but still not close enough at the same time.  Michael couldn’t remember a time when he’d enjoyed kissing someone this much, he didn’t even know if he’d ever wanted someone so much.

Gavin moved his legs in between Michael’s and felt the other man’s hardness against his hip bone. Gavin could feel that he was also aching in his boxers yet he felt a tiny moment of doubt when he thought about where this could lead. He came away from Michael’s neck and looked down at him; Michael opened his eyes and was met with Gavin’s worried expression.

“I...” Gavin tried to think of words but the only thing he could process was Michael’s reddened lips, the glaze over his chocolate eyes and the rise and fall of his pounding chest underneath him. “I err... fuck... Michael this is mental.” He said trying to get his point across. Michael nodded. “I mean I don’t even...” He trailed off again and looked down at their bottom halves, their erections still wrapped up in their jeans but they both couldn’t help press themselves against each other, their bodies craving friction.

“Is it...too much?” Michael asked,

“It’s just...I’ve never...with a guy.” Gavin said before leaning back down to be closer to him, Michael already knew this would be Gavin’s first time but he got what Gavin was trying to say.

“Me neither.” Michael said wrapping his arms around him in attempt to comfort him. It’d been a long night and they were both scared of the unknown, Michael sighed a little but smiled. “Look this is all a bit of a shock I guess...we don’t have to anything more,”

“I...I dunno what I want anymore.” Gavin said,

“...Okay. Well it’s up to you.”

“Can we just...cuddle?” Gavin asked feeling pathetic but he looked at Michael and saw a smile creep on his face.  Michael moved to hold him in more comfortable position, Gavin snuggled his face against Michael’s neck.

As Michael held him their breathing gradually went back down to normal and their arousal calmed yet it still felt present in their embrace, but instead of a fire, it was more of a warm glow felt in both of them.  Michael stopped smiling when sleep finally overtook his body.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope you enjoyed a little make out sesh. I remember having a lot of fun writing it to :)


	6. Chapter 6

 

Six

 

“Welcome to the Rooster Teeth Podcast! This week with me Gus Sorola, I’m also joined by Gavin,”

“Eyoo!”

“Barbara, Burnie, and extra Gus.” Gus finished the intros before going into some rant about queuing for food. Gavin tried to focus on what Gus was saying but it was not an easy task, it’d been difficult to focus on anything since Saturday night.

When the morning broke on the Sunday, Gavin was the first to wake. He took a few moments to realize he was sleeping on Michael’s chest, when he looked up at him he was still asleep, his breathing was calm and he looked contented.

This was the most peaceful he’d seen Michael in a long time, yet looking at him caused a profound sense of fear to strike in his chest. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. His mind raced back to the feel of Michael’s mouth on his kissing him desperately with gasps in between their short breaths. It was all too much.  He moved off the other man, carefully taking Michael’s arm off his waist. He didn’t want to wake him or talk to him; he just wanted to get out.

Gavin moved off the sofa, he had his wallet, keys and phone still in his pocket so he walked towards the door.  He knew he was capable of some pretty careless things but this was really something new, to take off without saying anything even Gavin knew was pretty low.  The week before he ran, but this time he was running from something so much more. He started it. He kissed him. He wanted him.

 He took a deep breath and looked again and Michael, the emotions of confusion and fear coursed through him.

He opened the front door and left. He couldn’t face it anymore. _What the fuck have I done?_ Gavin thought when he shut the door behind him. He made an attempt to gather himself as he made his way back to Geoff’s house.

On the Sunday Gavin had the most stressful day of his life. He was hungover from the party and the more he tried not to think about it the more his mind pulled him back. He could close his eyes and feel Michael’s body on his, before feeling mortified.  He refused dinner from the Ramsey’s, switched off his phone and he locked himself away from the world.

Two main things were terrifying him, the first being that he’d made out with his best friend the second being that he liked it. He liked it a lot. Gavin had never been attracted to a guy and it caused his mind to go into a meltdown. How did this happen? Why did he want him? Had he always wanted him? What will happen now? Questions circled Gavin and pushed him down to the point of exhaustion. His emotions won, and he did something he hadn’t done in a very long time.

Whilst laying down Gavin felt his eyes well up.  It started as a quiet tear then it turned into a stream, and before he knew it, he was sobbing.

24 hours later and he’s on the podcast. Pushing it all to the side and trying to engage in the conversation.

As Burnie moved the conversation along Gavin attempted at asking some dumb questions so he could at least appear normal for the audience. He had a laugh with Barbara about her new boyfriend and he was hoping that he managed to pull off looking okay in front of his friends too.

When they finished Gavin got a ride home from Barbara.  He kept the conversation to just small talk about some upcoming projects. Trying to act okay was tiring too and he knew that he needed to appear okay in front of Geoff and Griffon tonight, so far they’d bought his tired excuse but he knew that Geoff especially wouldn’t buy it for much longer.

Gavin tried to imagine how Geoff would react. He thought Geoff would probably laugh and think he was joking and from the outside looking in Gavin could see how impossible it seemed. But it had happened, and Gavin was still waiting for it to even feel like reality.

_____________________________________________

On Monday morning Michael just couldn’t bring himself to look at him. He knew if he did there was a really good chance he could lose his job. Because when Gavin walked into the office in the morning he wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face.

Michael thought he had a death wish showing up for work today.  Gavin had had the nerve to take off like that and then ignore the three texts he’d sent him.

Sent at 11:08am: _Gavin, I know you’re freaking out, I am too, but we can’t ignore this._

Sent at 16.35pm: _Gavin please talk to me, this is bullshit_

Sent at 00.25am: _Fuck you._

Michael kept his focus on the game he was playing and built a metaphorical brick wall on the right side of his field of vision. The man to his left side had noted the wall, even though it wasn’t a physical presence, Ray could sense the tension between them. He’d noticed that things had been off with the pair of them for a week or so, but whatever it was he could see it was now twenty times worse.

“What?” Michael asked Ray

“Nothing,” Ray said a little startled, he’d forgotten how long he’d been staring at Michael. “Good weekend?” He asked,

“Nope.” Michael replied. He was tired of having to lie, plus he wanted Gavin to know how pissed he was.

“Oh, but Game of Thrones though right?” Ray prompted, trying to lead the conversation away from a dangerous territory.

“Yeah, that was pretty awesome.” Michael said glancing over at Ray.

“Cersei though, what a bitch.” Ray said giving Michael a small smile.

“Alright people, fuckin’ err GTA lets play, fuckin’ err Worms let’s play and then some fuckin’...err...something else.” Geoff said looking down at his sheet. “Oh! Rage Quit! That’s the one.”

“Perfect, feeling pretty ragey today.” Michael said looking at Ray again

“Who’s in the worms let’s play?” Jack asked Geoff,

“Err me, Gavin, Michael and Ray.”

“Jack or Ryan can fill in for me. I have to go to the opticians in a few hours.” Michael lied, he could hide how furious he was at Gavin in a six person let’s play by just ignoring him, but a four person game would be nearly impossible.

“Okay, Ryan?” Geoff asked,

“Yup, I’m on it.” Ryan said before returning to his computer, and then everyone else did the same.

The GTA lets play went more smoothly than Michael predicted, they were just trying out a few new racing maps so no one seemed to notice the extreme lack of interaction between the two men. No one expect from Ray of course. When the lets play was over he watched as Michael swiftly got up and left the room without saying anything.

Michael walked outside and climbed into his car. He sat in the driver’s seat for a moment and noticed how fucked up it was that he was literally skiving off work to get away from Gavin. But, he still wanted nothing less than to be in that room right now. The rage calmed a little as he sat in the quiet yet when he thought about how Gavin just ignored him like that, he didn’t know if he’d felt this hurt before.

_______________________________

After the Worms let’s play Gavin went to go get lunch with Geoff. As they walked through the office he walked passed a familiar face,

“Oh hey Gavin” Said Meg smiling sweetly at him,

“Oh hey, how are you?” He asked, noting that Geoff was walking on without him.

“I’m good, first day n’all so I’m learning on the job but it’s been fun.” She said,

“Cool, sorry about just taking off on Saturday.” He said hoping that she would understand.

“Don’t worry about it, you we’re worried about him so fair enough.” She said before whipping out her phone, “Although I was a bit upset that you left before I got the chance to give you my number.” She said, Gavin smiled at her and took out his phone. He then remembered when he switched it off on Sunday and he was still yet to turn it back on.

When he did, he was greeted by a several emails, a couple of drunken texts from Geoff and three texts Michael.  When he read Michael’s texts his stomach dropped.

Sent at 11:08am: _Gavin, I know you’re freaking out, I am too, but we can’t ignore this._

“Are you ready?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Gavin pushed the texts away and took Meg’s number. “Great. Sorry I should probably go catch up on Geoff.”  He said

“I’ll see you later.” She said, he gave her one last apologetic smile before catching up with Geoff who was already in his car.

“What took you so long?” Geoff asked

“I was chatting to Meg.”

“Oooh I see, the hot new girl. Fair enough dude.”

He re-read the texts countless times as they drove to a burger joint near the office.  Geoff glanced over him and smiled to himself.

“You gonna ask her out?”

“I dunno, maybe.” Gavin locked his phone and shoved it back in his pocket. He felt like someone should take come take him to prison on the grounds that he was a despicable human being. Not only had he just taken off in the morning, he’d completely ignored the attempts Michael had made to reach out to him. He thought that Michael was ignoring him just because, like himself, he just couldn’t face what had happened, but Gavin now understood how furious he was.

When Geoff went to the bathroom Gavin opened the text conversation and tried to comprise a response.

Sent at 13.45 _I’m sorry, I switched my phone off for a while. Yeah I was pretty freaked out, still am._

By the time he was on the podcast he still hadn’t heard back from Michael. Not like he was expecting to, Michael had every right to be stubborn. 

Gavin checked his phone throughout the night, still nothing.

On the other side of town a worn out Michael chucked his phone across the room. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore.  He wanted to hate Gavin for avoiding the issue, but he couldn’t. When he went to bed he wished he’d never met Gavin, but part of him buried deep underneath the anger knew that wasn’t, and never would be, true.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Chapter Seven

 

The next day a sleepless Michael dragged himself out of bed and did his usual morning routine before driving to work. He’d thought on nothing else but Gavin’s text, he could understand him switching his phone off; it was pretty average Gavin behaviour to try and avoid everything. But they couldn’t avoid each other forever, and Michael wanted to say something, he wasn’t sure what yet, but the silence was worse than facing it.

When he got to work he saw Gavin sat at his desk.

He took a deep breath then walked up to his own desk.  He set down his rucksack and took a quick glance at Gavin, he didn’t look back. Michael wasn’t surprised, he probably thought that he was still pissed, but Michael didn’t want to feel this rage anymore.

“Hey,” Michael said, Gavin took a few moments to remember that Ray wasn’t in yet and he looked up at him.

“Hey.” He said quietly.

“What’s up?” Michael asked

“Just working on this slow mo edit, it’s pretty cool actually, we squirted all this ink into a fish tank full of water,” Gavin stopped thinking he may be getting ahead of himself,

“Show me,” Michael prompted leaning to look at Gavin’s monitor. Gavin pressed play and they both watched the turquoise ink fill the water, it was a truly beautiful sight. “Wow, that’s awesome. Did you film this in 4K?” Michael asked and Gavin nodded.

“The turquoise ink turned out the best I reckon.” Said Gavin looking from his screen back to Michael, who was to his surprise, smiling.

“Well I can’t wait to see the video. I can watch it on my new 4K TV.”

“Oh yeah, how is that?”

“It’s pretty cool dude. You saw it the other night...” Michael trailed off now regretting bringing up the other night.  Both men had forgotten how easy it was to settle into casual conversation, after all there was a reason why’d they’d become so close in the first place.  

Gavin swivelled in his chair to face Michael. Michael looked him and his initial confidence he had in the car had evaporated.

“Do we need to talk?” Gavin asked with a careful voice.  Michael looked around at the room, all the gents where here but they seemed pre-occupied.

“And say what?” Michael asked.

They took a long moment just looking at one another. Both saw how defeated, confused and exhausted the other was. Gavin just shrugged at Michael’s question, at a complete loss.

Another thirty seconds pass before either of the men think of something to say.

“I dunno what to do, but I can’t do this anymore...it’s driving me insane.” Michael said.

Gavin nodded, still without an answer to all the confusion, he sighed and threw his head up to look at ceiling.

“I mean we were really drunk.” Gavin noted still looking up.

“...Friends don’t do that when they’re drunk, Gavin. But if that’s the excuse you wanna use then cool, I mean I’m into it.” Michael said with a dash of bitterness, he felt like his honesty was met with defensive lies that stood for nothing.  Gavin looked back down at Michael again,

“Michael-“

“No Gavin, we’ll put it down to being drunk, it’s fine.” Michael said giving Gavin a firm look to drop the issue.

“I didn’t mean- “

Gavin was cut off by someone walking into the office, Meg.  Gavin and Michael turned to look at her and she smiled at them.

“Hi, I was just wondering; Ryan, apparently you’re the guy who can 3D print things?” She asked as she walked over to Ryan and they started chatting.  Whilst she talked to Ryan, Gavin noticed her eyes flicking over to look at him.

When she was finished she walked up to Gavin, he tried to play it casual but he was aware of how terribly this situation could go with Michael sat right next to him.

“Hey,”

“Hey, have you met Michael?” Gavin looked over to Michael who gave her a little smile before returning to work. “Anyway, err, how are you?” Gavin asked.

“I’m good... listen I was just wondering if you’d like to grab a drink after work tonight?”  Meg said fiddling a little with the ends of her hair.

“Err yeah that sounds great.” He said giving her a warm smile whilst the inside of him felt tied up in knots, he didn’t even dare to look at Michael again.

“Great, well I’ll just text you a time and a place.” She said before leaving giving Gavin one last time.

As soon as she left the wolf whistling started from Geoff and the others.

“Ooo!  Well well, Gavy’s got a little date, oh you are so gonna bang her,” Geoff said smiling away. Michael turned back fully to his desk and put his headphones on. He played his music as loud as possible.

“But you know if you have sex with her and then never call her, you’re gonna see her like all the time at work.” Jack pointed out. As much as Gavin did like Meg, he was not grateful for her timing, he was not going to be able to escape questions from the others and the more they mocked and jibed him the worse he felt. When he finally looked at Michael, he looked engaged in editing, but Gavin knew he just didn’t want to hear it.

“That’s true, maybe just like get to know her...” Ryan offered and Geoff scoffed,

“Yeah, not really Gav’s style,” Geoff said

“Hey know! I can like someone, like, get to know her and that,” Gavin said defensively, Michael heard Gavin speak but he couldn’t make out what, he turned down the volume. His curiosity got the better of his judgement.

“Well, I’ll believe that when I see it, the great Gavin Free with feelings for another human being.” Geoff said and chuckled.

When Ray entered the room, Michael knew that they’d go through the whole thing again and that no amount of music would drown out the conversation.

 He didn’t want to be anywhere near this, he was past the point of denying that he had feelings for Gavin. But he saw along with everyone else how beautiful Meg was and how much she liked Gavin, he knew they’d be a good match, or rather what Michael assumed was a far far less complicated match.  Even knowing this, Michael felt the dull hurt he’d felt since Gavin ran out now sharpen, he didn’t know if he could take this.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Ray asked noting the grins on all the gents’ faces.

“Gav’s gonna bang the new girl, to be fair she is super hot though,” Geoff said smiling like the devil at Gavin. Michael tried to contain himself, but the bitterness was rising in his veins.

“Oh, well, maybe don’t.” Ray said walking to his desk. “Seeing as she works here.” He added.

“That’s what I said.” Jack said,

“Or maybe-“Geoff was cut off,

Michael’s patience had worn to zero.  As Geoff spoke he took his headphones off and spun around,

“I think he should just bang her,” Michael said

“Really?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

“For literally the reason Ray just said,” Ryan said,

“But it’s like Geoff said,” Michael started looking over at Gavin, “When has Gavin ever felt things? Just bang her dude.  You should let her know that this is what you’re about, fucking with people then taking off.” Michael said coldly.

Everyone was a little taken aback by what Michael said. Gavin knew the moment she asked him out he would be upset, but he didn’t expect him to get so worked up in front of everyone else. Gavin just tried to make it seem like casual conversation,

“Yeah maybe,” Gavin said praying for an end to this whole ordeal.

“I agree with Michael, if you just wanna bang, then just bang” Geoff said, Gavin just nodded hoping that was it and he could go back to work.

When he turned back to his desk, he saw Michael leave out of the corner of his eye.

___________________________________

The afternoon rolled into the evening and Gavin was in the taxi on his way to the bar, Michael did eventually show up in the office but only for short intervals, claiming he was helping Kerry with something.

What Michael said was, in Gavin’s eyes, quite an overreaction, it wasn’t like he asked her out in front of him;  he knew he would of never of done that. He also didn’t think Michael had much right to be so mad, he’d apologized for not texting him and his jealousy was uncalled for, it wasn’t like they were...together or dating or anything like that, Gavin didn’t think there was a word for what they were any more.  Also, Gavin could tell how much Michael was tired of all the pain and confusion, he was too, and maybe this was a way to move on.

Still knowing all this, with all the reasoning behind him, Gavin still felt guilt as he walked into the bar.

Meg was already there, she was wearing a black lace dress and she had her hair curled, her lips were tinted with a cherry red colour that matched her hair. Gavin already knew he was attracted to her, but he appreciated the extra effort. She was gorgeous, there was no denying it, Gavin couldn’t really see why she had any interest in him bar the accent but he wasn’t going to complain.

“Hey Gavin,” She said and he walked up to her

“Hey,”

He sat down at the bar stool next to her and they ordered a couple of drinks.

They talked about work for a while and Meg confessed that she still felt shy around certain big characters.

“Michael seems pretty scary,” She said before taking a sip of her martini.

“Nah, Michael’s a puppy, just tries to act like a bulldog ya know.” It was an honest take on what Michael was like, in the office earlier Michael bit defensively, but Gavin could see his hurt underneath all the anger.

“You are guys are quite close, right?” Meg asked.

“Yeah, I mean...yeah Michael’s my boi.” He said smiling. It was rather refreshing to pretend everything was normal, they way things once were, and it only been two weeks... but that reality seemed so far away now.

“Aw, well if he ever warms to me, he should come out with us.” She said and Gavin nodded,

“Just give him time.” He said, he didn’t think it was wise Meg tried to befriend him just yet.

The night drew on and Gavin moved the conversation away from Michael, and they talked about gaming, where they were from and their families. The more the night drew on and as the drinks poured, Gavin felt more comfortable opening up and he started to really enjoy her company.

“Well, it’s getting pretty late and we still have work in the morning,” Meg said finishing off her drink, Gavin nodded and they grabbed their things before leaving the bar.

“I had a really nice time with you Meg.”

“Me too; I mean I had a really nice time with you, not with myself of course.” Meg spoke quickly, Gavin could see she was getting flustered, and it made her look even more adorable.  “Do you need a ride home?” She asked,

“I was just gonna call a taxi.” He said,

“Don’t waste your money, jump in.” She said gestured to her car. As they drove to the Ramsey’s Meg played some music and they chatted about Austin, Gavin could tell she was still quite nervous, he presumed it was because she expected him to kiss her. He wanted to, but he didn’t know if he could hold his nerve.

“It’s just this house on the left.”  Gavin pointed at his home and the car stopped.

“Well, thanks for the ride” He looked at her and he knew if he had one time left to do it, it was then.  She smiled at him and too much time had passed to make his exit seem casual, but reluctantly, he moved to the door handle. She was gorgeous and funny and they liked the same things but it just didn’t feel right.

She looked a little disappointed as she drove away and Gavin felt a little regret mixed in with all of his reluctance. By the time he reached his annex he was frustrated at himself, he wished he could of just overcome his feelings and kissed her, and part of him did want to.

But when he looked at her, her eyes hopeful and nervous, he wasn’t expecting on having just the mere thought of Michael Jones pull him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Meg Turney isn't as canonical as I would like in hindsight. I adore her a lot and here she is a bit of plot device. Never fear, she is my muse in many stories to come.


	8. Chapter 8

 

Chapter Ei ght

 

In the morning, Gavin wandered into the kitchen of the main house to be greeted with Geoff, and the world’s smuggest grin plastered all over his face.

“Morning,” Gavin said,

“Come on, don’t beat around the bush.”

“About what?”

“Don’t you dare! You know exactly what.”

“Ya know, it was fun.”

“I know you like to keep things private buddy, but you gotta give me more details than that.”

“I dunno what else you want me to say,”

“Was she good in the sack?”

“We didn’t have sex, Geoff.”

“OOH! Did she hang you out to dry?”

“No, come on, we just hung out and had a few bevs. It was chill.”

“Pfft, well, I know I would, man if I were like ten years younger, and not married of course.”

“Thank god you aren’t.”

“But you like her, right?”

“Ya know,” Gavin shrugged and did his best to avoid the question. He looked at Geoff as he made some coffee, he still couldn’t imagine a world where he would know what had happened.  Having this scandal hang over his head was sometimes too hard to bear, but it was better than people knowing, all he could manage to picture was utter bedlam.

_________________________________

Gavin spent the rest of the morning evading Geoff’s questions and jibes. The more uncomfortable he was, the more Geoff did it.

When they make it into the office, everyone else was already at their desk. Gavin sat down next to him, when he looks at him, Michael looks straight back.

“Sup,”

“Hey, how’d it go?” Michael asked. Gavin shrugged,

“Ah, ya know, it was alright.” Gavin said, Michael regretted asking him a little, but he had to know.

“Oh yeah! Meg! You didn’t sleep with her did you?” Ryan joined the conversation and Gavin wished he could ejected from his seat. He hated talking about his personal life in the first place, but with Michael looking at him, and all the things that look meant, it was almost physically painful.

“No, he didn’t cos he’s a pussy.” Geoff said,

“Well, I think that was wise Gavin.” Ryan said

“Meh, if he is gonna date her then he might as well get on it.” Geoff said, Gavin wanted to strangle him.

“Are you gonna date her?” Ryan asked, 

“I err, I dunno she’s nice and pretty and stuff.” He said turning back to his desk to signal the end of the conversation, but as he turned, Michael got up and left.

“Michael we need to start-”Geoff said and the rest of the group looked on at him.

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He said, but he didn’t look back.

Ray, feeling like Michael needed to talk this out, went after him. He eventually found him in an empty meeting room; he was pacing and taking deep breaths.  He looked at Ray apologetically and Ray shut the door behind them.

“Should I ask what’s going on?” Ray asked and Michael sighed, he looked utterly exhausted. He stopped pacing and looked at Ray,

“I don’t know...” Michael looked down at his shoes, and when he looked back up at Ray, Ray saw the tears that were pricking in his eyes. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” He said, a tear making a bid for freedom down his cheek.

“Dude, what do you mean? How much longer of what?” Ray asked walking over to him,

“Of all the lies, I mean I just couldn’t take another minute of Meg this and Meg that.” Michael rubbed his eyes and tried to calm down, but he knew he’d backed himself into a corner. He was going to have to tell him.

“Do you like her? Is that why you two have been so off? ” Ray asked.

Michael shook his head, he could have gone with it and it would have been a perfect lie, but part of him needed someone to know. The pressure on his shoulders was too heavy to take, and he knew Ray well, and knew he wouldn’t tell anyone.

“Then what is it? What lies?” Ray pressed him

“If I tell you this, you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.” 

“Okay, I mean, we’re not in high school anymore dude, but okay.”

“I’m serious, this is...this is a pretty insane.”

“Fine, whatever, I’ll take it to the grave.”

Michael paused and thought about his words carefully.

“I err...” He trailed off still trying to think of the right way to put this. Ray looked at him and waited patiently. “A couple of weeks ago at my house party, I got really drunk and err, we kissed.” Ray’s eyes widened at the last word.

“You and Meg?”

“No.” Michael gave it a few seconds then he saw the light go off in his eyes.

“Shit! What?!”

“It happened again after Game of Thrones night, he came onto me when we we’re drunk...” Michael again couldn’t finish his sentence because the more he spoke the more he couldn’t even believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Fuck! I mean...holy fuck, I-” Ray stopped mid sentence, he didn’t even know how to respond, his initial reaction was to deny it at all costs. “I mean, you’re kidding right?”

Michael just looked dead at him, and Ray knew then that he wasn’t joking. Part of him still wanted it be an elaborate weird joke, he couldn’t comprehend this happening. Silence hung in the air for a while as Ray tried to process.

“That is...messed up.”

“I know, you have no idea what these past few weeks have been like for me dude, it’s been a living hell.”

“...But he is seeing Meg now, right?”

Michael shrugged,

“I guess...we haven’t really spoken much about it.”

“It’s a bit of a dick move though, to date her and then...you two...”

“Well its Gavin though isn’t it? He’s always been a piece of shit. You can’t expect him to treat me any different.”

“I would’ve.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s you,” Michael looks at him confused. “You mean a lot to him, even if he doesn’t show it.  He should take responsibility... he can’t just play you like that.” Ray was still finding it hard to step into this new reality, but he could still see clearly how inconsiderate Gavin was being. Michael said nothing in response. He took some deep breaths and tried to regain his thoughts.

“You need to talk to him.” Ray said and Michael sighed again,

“Why me? Why can’t he own up and come speak to me?”

“It’s Gavin.  I didn’t think any of this was something he would do, especially to you. But fuck, you are right, he’s not one for really understanding how people feel.”

“I don’t even know what I want to say to him at this point.”

Ray nodded,

“Could take some time, but you have to reach out. If you don’t...he’ll go for Meg.”

“It’s true. Makes you wonder if he’s even worth it.”

“That’s up to you man.”

They both took a few seconds and looked at each other. Ray reviewed everything he’d learned in the past five minutes and smiled just of pure astonishment. He blew some air out of his cheeks and laughed a little, he didn’t think he’d ever heard anything so obscure, so scandalous.

“Just. Wow. That is err, that’s a game changer.”

“Sure is.”

______________________

Later in the evening, Michael heard a knock on his front door. The familiar lump returned in his throat just at the thought of Gavin being on the other side.

When he opened the door, he was Lindsay standing on the other side. He tried his best to not look disappointed and smiled at her,

“Hey,”

“Hey, can I come in?” She asked and Michael gestured her in.

“So, what’s up?”

“Err, I don’t really know how to say this,”

Michael noticed something was up, she seemed nervous and she wouldn’t look at him properly. They both sat down before she continued;

“Basically I really like you and err I just had to know if there was any...chance...” She blurted out all of her sentence until the end when she paused and finally looked him. Michael was not expecting that, and he took some time to think of a concise answer.

“If circumstances were different, I mean I don’t know.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means...there’s someone else.” He said, Lindsay had always been a close friend of his and he couldn’t lie to her.

“Is it someone we know?” She asked, he hated seeing her so tense and upset so he spoke as softly as possible.

“Yes. I’m sorry.” Lindsay nods and looks down.

“It’s okay.  I am now left wondering who though...”

“Yeah, I don’t really think it’s a thing,”

“But you like them?”

“Yeah.” Michael sighed rubbing his hand over his face. “Unfortunately, I like them a lot.”

“It’s not unfortunate, do they know how you feel?”

“Fuck if I know, I would hope they had some inclination at this point.”

“Then maybe you should tell them, sometimes people need it all out in the open, like me just then.” She smiled.

“I am sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.  I want you to be happy though,”

“And I want the same for you,” He reached over and held her hand, she squeezed his hand a little and they both gave each other a reassuring smile. Michael knew things would be fine with her eventually and it was a pleasant feeling, to know where each person stood.

Michael asked her if she wanted to play some Castle Crashers and she agreed. They played for a few hours, at first he could feel how awkward she was sat next to him but it settled after a while. He didn’t even think about Gavin for a while and he has having fun which was a sweet relief.  He looked over at Lindsay and smiled, now wondering what he was potentially sacrificing for Gavin.

After she left Michael sat down and knew what he wanted to do. He picked up his phone from the coffee table.  His thumb hovered over the letters on his screen. He took the last swig of his beer and typed;

_I know what I want and it’s you. I’m done pretending. I’m just done._

He gathered up all the courage he had left and pressed send.

The most painful three minutes of Michael’s life passed, he picked up his phone as soon as he saw it light up.

 **_Message from Gavin Free:_ ** _I don’t know what I want. I’m sorry, I need more time._

_You can’t date Meg and think about what you want from me._

Michael hit send and again a few minutes pass.

 **_Message from Gavin Free:_ ** _I know, I’ve been a prick but it’s just so complicated_

_I don’t think it is. I just think you are scared._

Michael hit send, and after a few minutes, and a few minutes more, he knew there was no response heading his way. He hoped that his words had hit home with Gavin, but he had no idea what he was really thinking.  As he made his way to his bed he felt a twinge of embarrassment that he tried to contain but he couldn’t help but feel left out to dry, he’d confessed to Gavin and been told nothing of the sort as a response.

Time wore on and Michael’s thoughts overwhelmed him, like they did almost every night since his party. Gavin said he needed more time, the more Michael recited his text in his mind, the more he felt like he just wanted a polite way out.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

Nine

 

The next day when Gavin arrived at work, he noticed straight away that Michael wasn’t in yet. He felt awful for not being able to give him a straight answer, and Michael was right, he was scared, scared shitless in fact.  There was no denying he’d come onto Michael that night, but It was a foreign territory, he’d gone so far in his life and never wanted another man.  

He sat down and gathered his composure. He looked over to see Geoff answering a phone call. His eyes moved over to Ray but when he glanced over he saw that he was already looking directly at him. Gavin immediately looked away to see Lindsay and Ryan chatting away.  From what he saw before he darted his eyes away, he could tell Ray’s expression wasn’t a friendly hello or a polite smile, his gaze continued and it made him uncomfortable. When he gave up and glanced over at Ray again, their eyes met and Gavin knew he knew right in that moment.

He didn’t know if he could tell just from the earnest look on his face or the air of judgement he was getting too. But he knew. He assumed the judgemental vibes weren’t that he judged Michael and Gavin for doing this. He knew it was directed at him and his idiotic behaviour. He could admit he’d been a fool to try and date Meg and forget what he did, but it was even worse to have others know what a mess he’d made.

“Michael’s sick, guess I could film some play pals with you Gav,” Geoff said tucking his phone back in his pocket.

“He seemed fine yesterday,” Gavin said. He looked over at Ray who was bouncing a ping pong ball.

“Yeah, really weird” Ray said, everyone took it to mean nothing, but Gavin noted the subtle jibe made at him.

“Meh, he said he came down with something over night,” Geoff said,

“But...I was with him like all of last night and he was fine then.” Lindsay interjected and Gavin diverted all his attention to her

“What?” Gavin asked

“I was at Michael’s last night, he was fine.” Lindsay repeated herself

“Maybe he is skiving then, got a secret job as a pimp and has betrayed us all.” Geoff said rolling his eyes and turning back to his screen.

“Why were you at Michaels?” Gavin inquired and shortly after realized how rude he sounded.

“Err...we just hung out played some video games, like I said he was fine.”

“Maybe he just didn’t want do see your face for once,” Ray said in a jokey tone and everyone smiled, apart from Gavin. He knew Ray wasn’t joking.

When everyone had turned their attention back to work Gavin managed to walk out of the office without anyone noticing. He needed to talk to Michael. He knew that from the beginning, but now he wanted to, he felt more guilt and shame than he had ever known and he wanted to at least try to fix this whole mess.

Whilst walking through the building he saw her. Meg was walking right towards him. His instinct was to turn around and run but that wasn’t an option.

“Hey,” She said smiling, Gavin still adored her smile, it was so warming and inviting.

“Hey,”

“How’re you?”

“I’m okay, I just need...” He trailed off, what he really needed was to get to Michael’s but he’d need a lift, and she was not the right person to ask.

“Need...?”

“Don’t worry about it, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I had fun the other night.” She said and Gavin stopped looking over her shoulder for people to drive him and turned his eyes back to her.

“Yeah me too, I’m sorry I’ve just, I’ve got some stuff I’ve got to take care of right now.” He said apologetically

“It’s okay; I’ll see you later yeah?” She did look a little disheartened but Gavin just nodded before taking off. He walked around the corner and saw someone he could ask,

“Barbara!” Barbara turned around, after a little convincing she agreed to give him a lift to Michael’s. On the way there she questioned Gavin about why it was such an emergency, he made up some lies that Michael had an external hard drive they needed for today and luckily she bought it. He looked out of the window and tried to think of what to say to him, there was nothing he could think of yet his brain was still overloaded with emotions. He hoped that when he saw him, he’d know what to say.

 When Barbara asked if he needed a lift back, he said she didn’t need to wait for him as he could email Geoff the files. It worried him a little how easy lying had gotten over the past few weeks. Gavin thanked her for the lift, jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs to Michael’s apartment.

He knocked on the door and waited for the longest twenty seconds he’d ever known before Michael came to the door.  Again, neither man said anything they just looked at each other their expressions saying a thousand words.

“Can I come in?” Gavin finally asked and Michael let go of the door handle and walked back into the living room. Gavin closed the door behind him and looked at Michael,

“You’re not sick.” Gavin said before walking up to him, the men stood about four foot apart staring each other down.

“Nope, sick of you perhaps.”

“Ray already made that joke.”

“Yeah?”

“Does he...does he know?” Gavin asked and Michael nodded. “Does anyone else know?” Gavin’s voice raised a little and he was now riddled with concern.

“Don’t you worry- our dirty little secret is safe with Ray. And no, nobody else knows, do you think I’ve just been running around telling people?”

“No-”

“Well then, you can go back to work now.”

“Michael, I came to talk to you.”

“So talk. Because I said it last night and I’ll say it again I. Am. Done. ”

“I didn’t expect things to get so out of hand. I never wanted any of this Michael!” Gavin started to shout getting annoyed at Michael’s stubborn attitude.

“If you never wanted any of this then why are you here?! Why aren’t you banging that Meg chick? Come on Gavin, since when do you give a shit?!”

“That’s not fair!”

“Why?! I mean fuck, last night I told you what I wanted and you just blew me off because you can’t grow a pair and make a fucking decision?!”

“A decision about what?! We made out once! It was a mistake!” Gavin had gotten so worked up he’d said something completely untrue just to hurt Michael, the moment the words were out of his mouth he wanted to take it back. The word “mistake” rung in their ears, but before Gavin could say anything more, Michael pushed him up against the wall pinning his shoulders with both hands.

“You’ve got some nerve...” The moment Michael felt like he could be more enraged, sadness swept over him. He held him there but he couldn’t look at him he just stared at the floor. He was hit with devastation harder than any punch and he could feel the tears rising in his eyes.  

“Michael, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. I don’t know what happened that night...”

“You wanted me,” Michael replied,

 Michael looked up at him and Gavin saw the tears that were glazing over his eyes,  Gavin was struck by the memory of his hazel eyes in the glow of the streetlight, that house party all those weeks ago, when he wanted nothing more than to touch his hair. He raised his hand up and touched the curl nearest to Michael’s ear and wrapped it around his finger.

“Please don’t cry Michael...”

Michael moved his hand from Gavin’s shoulders down to his hips and moved his body up to Gavin’s, he held him close. He felt like this might be Gavin’s last chance to say the right thing, he moved to whisper in his ear.

“Gavin if you want this, if you can feel this like I do...please stop fighting it,” Gavin wrapped his arms around Michael and breathed deeply against his neck, he placed a few tentative kisses on his skin, every last desire and craving for him came flooding back. “But I need to hear you say it. Say that you want me and you’re not afraid anymore.”

Gavin took a few deep breaths, Michael’s soft voice in his ear cause him to hold him tighter, his breath trickled down his neck and he knew what he wanted. He’d never wanted anything so much. “I want you, Michael, I’m not afraid.”

Michael kissed Gavin’s neck a couple of times moving his lips up to Gavin’s. He gently brushed his Gavin’s lips causing him to lean in, Michael wanted to tease him but he couldn’t help himself any longer and pressed his lips fully against Gavin’s in tender kiss.

Gavin kissed him just as tentatively, it wasn’t like the other times, this was in daylight and they were cold stone sober. But the reality was no longer scary, this was Michael and he wanted him and it was an overwhelming sensation. The way Michael kissed him was just as he remembered, his lips were so soft and the way he’d tease him a little before giving in letting Gavin kiss him harder. As the sensations he craved but denied himself all came washing over him, Gavin wanted this more than ever and the kiss became frenzied.

 Michael moved his body as close to Gavin’s as was possible but it wasn’t enough contact, he broke from Gavin’s mouth and the pair breathed heavily. Michael’s hand reached under Gavin’s shirt and the pair looked at one another eyes filled with lust, Gavin said it before Michael needed to; “Bedroom?” Gavin prompted and Michael nodded leading him by the hand.

Gavin took control and pinned Michael onto the bed and climbed on top of him, as they kissed Gavin slid his tongue into Michael’s mouth, only a little and Michael responded by grazing his tongue against his slowly. Michael was undeniably stronger than Gavin so he pushed the other man slightly to get him to roll over so that Michael was on top of him, Gavin moaned a little into the kiss and Michael was reunited with his favourite sound on earth.  Michael grabbed at Gavin’s shirt, desperate to get it off him so he reluctantly broke the kiss pulled him off the bed slightly to take it off his head.  He sat there for a moment, straddling his waist looking down at his friend. He took his own shirt off and Gavin’s hands ran up his abdomen, his eyes locked onto Michael’s chest.

“Lazer Team did good to you,” Gavin said, his voice a little hoarse

“Thanks,” Michael smiled and watched Gavin’s fingertips dance across his skin, when he looked at Gavin he saw a little concern creep onto his face. He was pretty sure he knew the reason;

 “Is it the downstairs department?” Michael asked and Gavin nodded feeling embarrassed, Michael leaned down and kissed him again to reassure him. “It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything-” Gavin sighed,

“Look, it’s not that I don’t want to and I’m not afraid of us doing this, it’s just I don’t know what...”Gavin gestured at Michael’s crotch and Michael chuckled a little.

“It’s okay. You can build up to it.” Michael said and Gavin felt comforted by that, he knew he wanted Michael sexually but he couldn’t help but be cautious around the new experience of being with a guy,  for him, it was a all little overwhelming.

 Michael kissed him again and then traced his kissed down to Gavin’s neck where he could hear the little sweet moans escaping his mouth, Michael’s hand traced down Gavin’s chest; “But if it’s okay with you, I’d really like to touch you.”

Gavin inhaled sharply when he felt Michael’s hand over the hardness in his jeans, Gavin kissed at his ear as a sign that he wanted Michael to go further. He gripped his hands onto Michael’s shoulder blades as Michael unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down his fly. Michael’s hand reached down over his underwear rubbed his hand against his erection, Gavin let out a tiny moan at the sensation and Michael enjoyed the increase in pressure from Gavin’s fingertips into his shoulder blades.

He moved his kisses up to the nape of his ear so he could look at Gavin’s face. His eyes were shut but his face said it all, Michael couldn’t tease him any longer and he needed to hear Gavin moan louder so he moved his hand up to the waistband of his underwear and without teasing him any longer, his hand dipped underneath the fabric to touch him properly. Gavin’s breath hitched a little as he felt every single finger on Michael’s hand wrap around his cock, _Oh fuck that feels good_ Gavin said in his mind, he wanted to say it out loud but he felt embarrassed that he was so turned on just from his touch.  Michael gradually started to move his hand around him, he thought this would feel wrong and if he told himself a month ago that he wouldn’t have been able to so much as comprehend it, but when he looked at Gavin, it felt so natural to want to touch him,  to want to pleasure him.  The noises, the touch on his back, it was more enticing than he could have possibly imagined. He picked up the place a little and Gavin let out a long moan as he gripped onto Michael tighter,

“Oh god...” Gavin let out, his voice coarse his clenched his eyes shut and focused on Michael’s touch, it was the only thing he wanted to focus on. Michael’s hand felt so good he couldn’t contain his moans, he wanted one more thing to make this moment better, and he opened his eyes to see Michael staring right back at him, his eyes looked like he was marvelling at a fine painting. Gavin moved his hand down from Michael’s back to his neck and pulled him into a kiss, when felt his grip tighten his grip tighten around his cock he moaned into the kiss.  Gavin didn’t know pleasure could feel this good.  Their tongues met and they kissed each other almost in time with Michael’s strokes. Michael couldn’t hold his own intense arousal as he grinded himself up against Gavin’s leg, he needed Gavin to moan more and louder so he broke the kiss, his hand movement become more erratic and he felt the blood rush under his hand.

“Michael, I’m gonna-” Michael knew exactly what Gavin was going to say and moved his hand fast hoping to push Gavin over the edge, he looked so erotic as he arched his back and held onto Michael for dear life. Michael saw a little bead of sweat on his neck and he kissed it before whispering;

“Come on baby, come for me,” Gavin could feel the heavy arousal in his voice, and it caused all the energy in him to flood to his cock. With his eyes clenched shut and one final loud moan white ribbons erupted from the tip of his cock, his orgasm took over him and he felt utterly euphoric,  the only thought, the only word he held in his mind as he felt the pleasure take over;  _Michael._ Gently, Gavin glided back down to earth, and opened his eyes and looked up at Michael smiling down at him.

Michael leaned down to kiss him,

“You okay?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Gavin said feeling a little awkward upon realizing what Michael had just witnessed him do. He took a couple of tissues out of the box on the bedside table and wiped the semen off his stomach. Michael leant down to rest his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Did you call me baby?” Gavin jibed to try and settle the slight embarrassment he had on his own part.

Michael playfully poked him in his side.

Gavin ran his hand through his hair,

“This is mental.” Gavin said, staring up at the ceiling

“I know, it’s fucking...it’s so crazy.” Michael turned over to face him; he absent-mindedly fiddled with Gavin’s chest hair. “And I’m scared too. I’m not expecting us to just get our heads around it straight away...I just needed to know if you wanted this.”

“I do, but bloody hell...”Gavin glided his hands over Michael’s shoulders, “It’s just a hell of an adjustment.”

“We’ll sort it out, together.”

Gavin looked him and smiled, the look Michael gave him reassured him instantly.  He raised his hand back up along his back and fondled with his hair once again.

“You really have a thing for my hair, don’t you?”  Michael said,

“It calms me down.” Gavin said honestly. He didn’t know why but he enjoyed twirling each lock of hair around his finger, and somehow the feel of it seemed to soothe him.  Michael moved up to kiss him and when he did Gavin responded by flipping Michael onto his back and climbing on top of him.

Amongst the short breaths and the exquisite kisses, a thought popped into Michael’s head.

“Wait- how did you even get here?” Michael asked.

“Oh, Barbara gave me a lift- shit! Work!” Gavin looked down at him mouth open and Michael laughed a little.

“Did you not tell anyone you were leaving?”

“No, I just...Lindsay said she saw you last night, and I just...left.”

“So they don’t even know where you are right now?”

There was a long pause as Michael recognized Gavin’s thinking face.

“Come on, I’ll give you a lift.”  Michael said and leaned up to kiss him.

______________________

Unfortunately, Gavin and Michael did not receive the casual welcome they hoped for when they opened the office door.

“Where the hell did you go? I turn around and you were gone, I called you a bunch of times!” Geoff started immediately when he saw Gavin, then his attention shifted when he noticed Michael,

“Why are you here?”

“Nice to see you too, Geoff.”  Michael quipped

“I thought you were sick.”

“Meh, I think I was just a bit dehydrated.”  With that Michael walked passed Geoff over to his desk. Gavin followed behind him hoping there were no more questions.

Geoff was about to ask why Gavin was gone for so long but then decided against it, as he really didn’t care enough to kick up a fuss. He just rolled his eyes and told everyone to load up Minecraft.

Ray looked over at Michael and could already sense the decrease in tension, Michael looked like every muscle had just relaxed and that he’d breathed out for the first time in weeks. Ray smiled a little at the look of content on his face.

“Everything okay?” He asked, Michael looked over and nodded and his smile grew a little wider.

_______________

Once they wrapped the Minecraft video Jack and Ryan started to get ready to leave. Geoff got up and wondered over to Gavin’s desk.

“Come on lad, I wanna watch new Constantine.”

“Err, I think I’m gonna finish some editing for a slow mo, I’ll get a lift off someone.” Gavin said and looked at Michael who smiled softly whilst pretending to work.

“Alright, see you when you get in.” Geoff said and with that he left.

Michael and Gavin looked over at Ray who stood up.

“Hold up,” Michael said

“You can’t tell anyone.” Gavin insisted.

“I know, I know, do I look dumb?”

Gavin and Michael exchanged a look,

“Oh very funny, do you have any idea how insane this is?”

“Yeah, funnily enough, we are aware.” Michael said

“Well, okay. I guess anything is better than you guys hating each other.” With that, Ray left. 

“Do you actually have editing to do?”Michael asked

“Nope.” Gavin said and grinned, his flirtatious expression said everything. Gavin reached out to hold Michael’s hand,

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all I have for now. If you guys want more, please let me know. I'm always available on my Tumblr @lovebmvagabond x


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